A Video Post

Just something a little different. I can fit four fingers inside my mouth this evening (stacked horizontally). The downside is that it HURTS and I feel it in the back of my neck ... so we have a lot of work to do rehab wise. This is the very, very beginning that keeps scar tissue from forming (my surgeon removed a TON of scar tissue from the left joint that I fell on -- my jaw was literally glued together from the damage from that).

Rehab is mentally VERY hard, which I am not about to show on video!! But I am not always so chipper. I was not prepared for the emotional toll ... 

And my voice teacher would be kicking my butt because my tongue is not down in this the way a good little singer's should be ... but hey :)

Again, so lovely to hear from so many of you. When I get angry at all this, I tend to focus on the two or three people who haven't even written to ask how things went ... but then I can read facebook and be reminded of all the wonderful people who have kept me in their thoughts and kept me entertained, etc. Love to everyone!

Post-Op Appointment #1

This is the last thing I feel like doing, but it's so much easier to tell several people at once. I had my first post-op today and apparently, I am doing "OK." Not great. I'm bummed. The tension in my neck is so bad that I could cry. My face hurts to the point where I am not sure if I am having an ENT issue or if this is part of the deal (singers are constant hypochondriacs! lol) ... hopefully I can get in for trigger shots in my neck tomorrow and loosen some of this up. And perhaps get a stronger muscle relaxant.

Basically, I was not stretching my jaw enough ... I was stopping when I felt a pull (as per his written instructions), when in reality, I should be working this as I should any other muscle ... to the BORDER of pain, allowing it to relax, then push further.

Even I didn't anticipate what a pain in the ass this would be. And very trying on my mood.

I am down to 2 Vicodin (10mg) and 4 mg Klonopin daily ... and I could use more after today.

Foods I can eat: anything I do not have to chew. As in, my teeth cannot make contact. At all. I am so hungry!

Foods I am craving: steak, hamburgers, tacos, tortilla chips with guacamole, a big Italian sandwich, BBQ, french fries ... and the list goes on.

No picture today ... soon.

Love to all.

Days 1, 2, and 3 (aka: it's Friday already?)

I have lots of fun pictures, lol. I promised to make this blog as honest and truthful as possible. This is not a pretty process.

I got to take my bandages off on Tuesday morning, but I was much more comfortable with them ON believe it or not! The provided some cushioning, but what was underneath was not so bad ....

They worked far more extensively on the left side of my face (where I was injured) than on the right, but there was still plenty of inflammation to handle on the right (the resident just didn't clean off my face after -- nice). The bruising on the left is still quite extensive.

I am on a liquid diet. And my pain killer diet has been interesting. Luckily the pain in my jaw has eased ... but I was taking Percocet (craaaazy stuff -- works for pain, but I don't like the psych effects) ... then Ultracet gave me a headache ... so I have not been happy. Worst of all, my GP who promised to manage my pain is TOTALLY MIA and has no one to cover for him ... I think there may be someone I can call tomorrow and get some pain relief for my back, which is really stressed out (and they are all connected, as we know).

This has surprised a lot of people: my surgeon has had me stretching my jaw 6x a day from day 1. 10 minutes heat, 10 minutes stretching, 10 minutes ice.

And this evening, I was finally able to eek out my first smile ... 

Love to all ... more updates soon. It's a long, slow process ... and I am just totally exhausted. Plus, I am trying to figure out how to go out anywhere while I am stretching my jaw 6x a day for 30 min. at a pop?

Let's just focus on more sleep .... lol

Post-Op

Surgery went very well, so they said. The breathing tube went up my nose, which I was NOT prepared for, and was definitely not sedated enough when they were shoving about three q-tips per nostril up there to numb it -- in fact, that was the last thing I saw! Then I was out, and I remember waking up with the tube still in and not being able to breathe ... though it must have only been a few seconds, because no one was freaking out ... and then I couldn't stop coughing. The anesthesiologist was shocked that I remember this! But I do -- it's a pretty unique feeling.

My body started seizing up as a result of anesthesia withdrawal ... not a full blown seizure (again, no one was freaking out), but my head would shake back and forth and then my leg would go, then shoulders ... SO strange. I think it took about an hour to stop, but time is kind of warped in there.

Morphine is a sugar pill! It hurt my whole body as it went through my veins, relieved the pain for about 30 min, then I needed more. awful. Surgery was 3 hrs, and I was in recovery for 4 ... then they got fluid back in me, heart rate down, and back HOME.

What a day! I'm never having surgery again, I swear. I'm feeling really awful today (2 days post-op) and am up now because I have a headache ... so I thought I'd write.

I've been so touched by the number of facebook posts and e-mails I've received -- it means so much.

Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I Love 'ya, tomorrow!

Well, I wouldn't say love. More like "you scare me, tomorrow" ... I always hated that song anyway.

so YES! Tomorrow is the big day! I had my nerves under control until the hospital called with a time :-/  Seemed a lot more real then. I have to be there at 11:45, surgery at 1:45, and if THAT all goes as scheduled (unlikely, I am told), I will be ready to go home around 9pm.

It's so scary to have to put your trust in other people's competence so completely. I like to be in control (that shouldn't shock any of you).

Believe it or not, my insurance JUST (as in 8pm) approved this surgery!!!! We knew it would, but they sure took their sweet time! In total, this surgery alone (including medications, anesthesiologists, etc. would total between $14-15,000).

Below are the latest pictures of yours truly. I keep trying to smile in them so I look less weird but it's kind of hard to look normal when you are contorting your jaw! This explains the measurements I discussed in my last post.

The photos are a direct mirror of me. In the second picture, my jaw moves further to the right; it is the left joint that had the direct impact, therefore it is harder to move it to the left (2mm, minimum is 5mm)

Nothing profound to say: my brain is kind of numb. I just want to thank my parents first and foremost, for all of their help thus far. A big thank you to my wonderful voice teacher ... and my wonderful friends. I am a lucky girl.

Lastly .... Joyce DiDonato singing "Una voce poco fa" (from The Barber of Seville, the opera that she fell in). 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJcuqaelqwE

And a 10 second clip from The Simpsons with Dr. Nick Riviera (the neighborhood quack)

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTz8rKJk-Vw

AND "You'll Never Walk Alone" performed by Renee Fleming at Obama's inauguration

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrhDWKrRGCo

 

General Musings ... T-minus 72hrs.

It is very hard to find anything altruistic to post with surgery about 72hrs. away ... sorry about that.

T-minus 3 days (excluding today). 

I have gone from being so anxious that I feel like I'm going to be sick, to being so anxious that I am absolutely exhausted. Apparently, people can swing back and forth. Crazy amount of sleeping ... which is irritating because that is ALL I will be doing after surgery for a couple of days ... but I'm trying to "listen to my body."

I went out and spent a small fortune on bath stuff ... salts, bath bombs, bubbles, etc. I figure I can at least smell nice during this. It's the little things that I have meticulously planned to keep myself busy and not frantic. Bath stuff, check; new PJ's, check; puzzles/incredibly elaborate Lego set, check.

It's absolutely true that this surgery is more "serious" emotionally than it is clinically. Which I suppose is why the fear is SO DEEP. This injury has been emotionally devastating. And now, fingers crossed, there is a pretty good chance that I'm going to be given a SECOND chance at doing what I love. There are people who understand this more than others.

I keep trying to think FORWARD. I'm already cast in an opera in October (not a lead role, don't worry!) with a new company. Beyond that, though, I feel like I have a forward trajectory. I spent a lovely lunch with my former advisor from college yesterday; it's always great to be around people who believe in you!!! :)

I think that's it ... I wanted to leave you all with some funny opera clips. I know that not everyone reading this is an opera fan, but these are so universally hilarious that I am sure you will enjoy.

Renee Fleming/Sesame Street

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPdP7XJdvlM&feature=PlayList&p=BB32D3924A31A021&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=14

Beverly Sills/Sesame Street (3 parts)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBdCVJAPoSk&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScQHdEqp5DY&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4jXBpPwJv0&feature=related

Laughter is very, very important medicine.

xox

Mom, Dad, I have ... surgical anxiety

Yes, folks, the most exciting thing in my life now is that my hands shake uncontrollably even when my blood sugar is fine and I am not caffeinated. Even my dog doesn't want to be near me; I guess I'm giving off some vibe. ARGH. 5 more days .... 5 more days ....

I have tons of anxiety tricks (helpful) that I'll post on here tomorrow. My blog in fact IS being viewed by people other than my family and friends! I hope I am helping someone out there.

Had my final visit with the surgeon today. He's much nicer now that he doesn't think I'm a drug addict. I got questions answered, which was good ... basically, the worst that will happen is that I will stay the same. Which is highly unlikely.

My measurements are: 27-2-5

No, not those measurements. Clearly. Bad joke, Yona.

These mean that I can open 27mm high, shift my jaw 2 mm to the left and 5 mm to the right. Here are the averages for women (range): opening 42-75mm, shift L 5-15mm, shift R 5-13mm

Sooooo there's a ways to go.

I can't wait to bite into a huge sandwich. Or steak. Or caramel. mmm.

I'll be more interesting tomorrow. Thanks for stayin' with me.

Love