T-minus 3 days (excluding today).
I have gone from being so anxious that I feel like I'm going to be sick, to being so anxious that I am absolutely exhausted. Apparently, people can swing back and forth. Crazy amount of sleeping ... which is irritating because that is ALL I will be doing after surgery for a couple of days ... but I'm trying to "listen to my body."
I went out and spent a small fortune on bath stuff ... salts, bath bombs, bubbles, etc. I figure I can at least smell nice during this. It's the little things that I have meticulously planned to keep myself busy and not frantic. Bath stuff, check; new PJ's, check; puzzles/incredibly elaborate Lego set, check.
It's absolutely true that this surgery is more "serious" emotionally than it is clinically. Which I suppose is why the fear is SO DEEP. This injury has been emotionally devastating. And now, fingers crossed, there is a pretty good chance that I'm going to be given a SECOND chance at doing what I love. There are people who understand this more than others.
I keep trying to think FORWARD. I'm already cast in an opera in October (not a lead role, don't worry!) with a new company. Beyond that, though, I feel like I have a forward trajectory. I spent a lovely lunch with my former advisor from college yesterday; it's always great to be around people who believe in you!!! :)
I think that's it ... I wanted to leave you all with some funny opera clips. I know that not everyone reading this is an opera fan, but these are so universally hilarious that I am sure you will enjoy.
Renee Fleming/Sesame Street
Beverly Sills/Sesame Street (3 parts)
Laughter is very, very important medicine.
xox
Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI know the wide range of feelings of having your dreams put on hold, it's such a hard emotional process to go through. You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You've overcome so much and you will overcome this as well. One day I'll be going to Lincoln Center to see you sing and you know how much I hate opera, though not as much as I hate Oprah...
Try to keep yourself occupied after, one Summer my mom and I painted my room after a really intense surgery, man was that a bad idea, but my room looked amazing. It doesn't matter how long a surgery is or how intense it is, it's bound to take an emotional toll and there is no shame in getting help for that. Having an illness that takes so much out of you really does require more than just medical care.
In the immortal words of one Homer J. Simpson USE THE FORKS
You are so wonderful, Amanda -- thank you!
ReplyDelete